My alarm goes off and I wake up feeling like I just finished a 5 mile run. My t-shirt is wet and yesterday's shower seems like it was a week ago. Night sweats are a consistent part of the side effects medically induced menopause that my medicine Lupron has given me, so I've learned to roll out of bed, take a cold shower, and move on with my day.
I suppose that might gross some of you out. I suppose you might think I'm sharing a little too much on social media. But for the past three months and for the next three months, this is my life. I can't do anything to change it, so I'm not ashamed.
(If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here to read about it.)
Someone once said,
"From the outside looking in you can't understand it, and from the inside looking out you can't explain it."
I feel like that pretty much sums up my life these days.
On the worst days, I wake up feeling like I have the flu. It's the exhausted, headache filled, and achy flu that medicine doesn't seem to help. My newest side effect has been severe leg pain that leaves me crying in bed. At no other point in my life have I spent this much time in bed. At no other point have I ever been this sick.
I suppose that might gross some of you out. I suppose you might think I'm sharing a little too much on social media. But for the past three months and for the next three months, this is my life. I can't do anything to change it, so I'm not ashamed.
(If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here to read about it.)
Someone once said,
"From the outside looking in you can't understand it, and from the inside looking out you can't explain it."
I feel like that pretty much sums up my life these days.
On the worst days, I wake up feeling like I have the flu. It's the exhausted, headache filled, and achy flu that medicine doesn't seem to help. My newest side effect has been severe leg pain that leaves me crying in bed. At no other point in my life have I spent this much time in bed. At no other point have I ever been this sick.
If I'm being completely honest here, I have to confess that Jesus and I have been arguing a lot lately. I want to be that woman of God that doesn't complain, and seems to always have it together. You know those blogs you read about someone's suffering and at the end of it you think to yourself, "I wish I had their strength and faith"? Yeah. Turns out I'm not that woman.
Sometimes I wonder if those people really exist, or if they only exist on social media and in front other people. Although I crave an unwavering and immovable faith, I think it's okay to be broken. It's in my brokenness that I learn the most about the steadfast love of God.
I guess at the end of the day I just have to be honest. Faith is hard. As rewarding and fulfilling as following Jesus is, there are definitely days filled with doubt. Don't give up. You will never be too far from the love of Jesus to come back to him.
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.
I sure can't wait for the eternal things! For now, I hold onto what Micah 7 says. The Lord has been a light to me and has provided the most incredible people in my life to carry me through this. Thank you for your love and prayers. 84 more days 'til I'm drug free! (:
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