Finding Joy in the Rain.

Last spring semester way by far my lowest point in college. Spiritually, emotionally, physically... I was a was a hott mess. I had to redefine normal after I came back from a semester in Costa Rica and I didn't do a very good job. Actually, I really really sucked at it. Looking back, I don't think the Lord has ever carried me the way he did during those few months. I told him I didn't want to be in Belton, so he provided me a job that made me love it here. I told him I felt alone, so he provided me with some of the most authentic friendships I've ever had. But I couldn't feel God, so I didn't attribute those things to him. All I could think about was myself. I did some stupid stuff that really screwed up those friendships and hurt the people I loved. But in those moments of selfishness and anger and depression, Jesus kept blessing me. He should have been cursing me, but he continued to carry me and bless me. The grace I got from the friends I hurt was prob

Sometimes. But for real. Last Christmas Eve I wrote in my journal, "I think i'd rather not celebrate it".  You might not believe me. I wouldn't blame you. My favorite movie of all times is Elf, I put up my Christmas tree this year before Halloween, I've worn my tacky Christmas sweater twice this week just because I really like it, and I have an Will Ferrell "Elf" bobblehead that I carry around with me every time I leave the country.  Soooooo really you have no reason at all to come to think of me as a Grinch when it comes to Christmas, but sometimes I wish Christmas wasn't a thing.  Two of my last three Christmases I spent in a hotel room in East Asia. There were no presents, none of my Grammy's delicious cream puffs, and only a two minute phone call with my family in the states. I think those were two of the best days of my life. This isn't my attempt at trying to convict you for buying too many presents. I'm not pos

I like to run away from hard things. It's my favorite way of dealing with them. Avoidance avoidance avoidance. At the end of the day (or week or month...) I generally end up doing the right thing, but more often than I should I end up taking the long way to get there. It's definitely one of my biggest faults. I can easily think of three important things in my life right now that I've put off for far too long. I know exactly what I need to do about each of them, and I know exactly what it will take to bring me peace. But it's hard and I hate it. Soooo instead of being a mature responsible Christian about them, i've been avoiding them and running away. So far so good? Nope. Not at all. Running away is exhausting. I didn't really feel like going to church last week. Feel free to judge me for that. I went anyways, but I was really distracted throughout the entire service. First off because the poor kid in front of me kept puking in the middle of worship, and