Finding Joy in the Rain.

I remember the first time I decided I was fat. I was sitting in theater class in 9th grade and one of my classmates told me to hold my arm out in front of my body. When I did, they hit the skin under my upper arm and laughed as they watched it jiggle. In that moment, I gained 50 pounds. That 5'3 110 pound high school freshman died, and a hypersensitive and self conscious version of myself peaked its evil head for the first time. Although that was the moment my eating disorder (which I'll call Ed) took over, it wasn't the only thing that sparked an unhealthy view of myself. Years of comparison, losing a relationship with my father, and the decision to define my worth in the words of other people, collectively lead me to believe that I was fat, unloved, and that the worldly standards of beauty defined me. For the next 8+ years, Ed defined me. Above my relationships with people, and above my relationship with the Lord, Ed was most important thing in my life. When I firs