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Currently Freaking Out.

It's 2:54am. 57 hours until takeoff. I can't sleep.
I have wanted to study abroad since my freshman year in high school when I came back from Honduras. I begged my poor mom to let me ship off to live with a family i'd met on a mission trip. At that point it was running away. Now, it's real life.

Naturally, people have been coming up to me and asking me how excited I am. Of course, I've methodically answered with excitement saying something along the lines of, "I can't wait", or "It's going to be so much fun!". While these things are true, I can't honestly say that i've been excited all week about going.

It's an ongoing joke about how frequently I change my major. Still, at the end of the day, regardless of how many times I have changed my major, my passion has never changed. The gospel is my passion. It is urgent, vital, and needs to be taken to the ends of the earth. The only part i've ever questioned is how and where I should go about spreading it.

In a little over 2 days, I'm going to be living in a foreign country and hanging out with and getting to know the locals. This is exactly what I've always wanted to do. The issue?! I'm terrified. I don't want to grow up and I don't want to be an adult. Yes, I hate school, but the next two years are supposed to prepare me to live in the real world and make adult decisions. Instead, for the next 4 months I'll be testing out my passion. 

Imagine packing up your life in a suitcase, hopping on a plane to a place where you can't communicate with the people you will meet, and leaving everyone and everything you know behind. Granted, I will be returning in 4 months, but there may be a point in my life where that's not the case. This is a trial run.   What if I fail? What if the one thing that I've always wanted to do I determine I hate? What if I get there and I don't pick up on the language fast enough? What if....? Or...? 
Two verses come to mind:

“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
                                           -Psalm 46:10 

For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. -Romans 11:29

I've poured my heart out to a few friends this week about how I've been feeling. Through their wisdom, I have been reminded that God has given me a passion to share the gospel because He wants the gospel to be shared. These next few months are going to be challenging, emotionally draining, potentially lonely, beautiful, intense, and rewarding. At the end of it all, I want to be able to come home and say that I lived every day to it's fullest and that I did all things for the glory of God.--Even the school work part... (:

Thank you for joining me on this journey. If you want to make my week, here's my address. I will write back! I love mail. LIKE FREAKIN' LOVE IT. (:
Just hit up the post office to mail it. It costs about a dollar to mail it, and a week for me to get it!

Ashley Settles
Sabanilla, Montes de Oca
San Jose, COSTA RICA 
Latin American Studies Program Apdo. 54-2070

Please pray that I will seize every day to share the gospel. Also, please pray that God will bring me a girl friend that I can do life with for the next 4 months. I really need a friend to share this experience with. Thank you thank you!






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