Reverse culture shock. Oh my goodness. I never thought it could be so hard. I experienced minor culture shock when I first got to Costa Rica and when I came back to the States from traveling in the past... but I have never experienced culture shock like this. Everything is so hard.
I'm not used to people being on their phone when I'm talking to them. I constantly throw my toilet paper in the trash can instead of the toilet. What's a dishwasher? I'm horrrrible at making small talk. When I didn't have anything to say in spanish, I didn't talk. I have plans, and people expect me to be places on time. It's cold. Gross. I consistently think there is an earthquake. People in this country waste SO much electricity. People throw their food away if they don't want any more. I can't take a bus anywhere. :/ People complain. A lot. WASTE WASTE WASTE.
It's overwhelming, it's hard, and it's resulted in me being a tad (very much) antisocial.
I just... don't know how to live in this culture they way I used to be able to. Things that I used to blow off, really bother me now. I used to live very fast paced, but now I think I hate that idea. I went to Costa Rica knowing that I would fall in love with it. I did. I went hoping that it would be a preview for the rest of my life. I really think it was. So how am I supposed to come back here and live with my heart over there? I haven't figured that out yet. I have never loved a people, a place, or a culture more.
Two Christmases in China and a Semester in Costa Rica have completely changed my view of Christmas. I have always been in love with Christmas. I love that during this one season of the year, people seem genuinely happier. Spending the last two Christmases in a country that doesn't celebrate it and the last semester in a country that gives sacrificially to each other has been 10 times better than Christmas in the states could ever be. I saw Jesus the past two Christmases. It wasn't about the gifts, or the music... it was about the birth of Jesus. I'm scared that this Christmas will try to take away those memories from me. I don't want anything for Christmas. Really. I can't think of anything. I told people that over and over until I finally accepted (or I'm trying to) that they are getting gifts because they want to. Every time I buy something I think of the fact that more than 80% of the people in Nicaragua and more than 50% of the WORLD lives on less than $2 a day. How am I supposed to ask for things after that?
People are going to blame that feeling on "reverse culture shock". I think that's a bull excuse. Tell me that if you want, but I think that's just a lame excuse for ignoring the fact.
It's hard to be here. It's hard to listen to people complain about a gift they might get before they've even gotten it. It's hard to hear somebody say they don't care if they waste something because they don't have to pay for it. It's hard to listen to a customer at Starbucks complain about a drink that I accidentally messed up. It's so so hard to throw that drink away.
It's easy to remember the kids I met that live in trash dumps and sell refurbished trash in order to live. It's easy to remember the stories of kids that died because their families couldn't afford a $1 pill to save them. It's easy to remember the families that had to walk a mile to get to a river so they could drink water. It's easy to remember the kids at the orphanage who told me stories of their abuse.
It's so so hard, but it's so so good. Reverse culture shock sucks, but I never want it to go away. I just don't know how to live here anymore.
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