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When all the signs point to yes, but the answer is no.

What happens when you graduate college & turn down the full time job you're offered, decide not to move across the world, & withdrawal yourself from grad school an hour before your first class? Does that make you an idiot?

 Possibly.

 Feel free to think I'm stupid. I won't be offended. 

 One of my favorite things that the Lord has blessed me with continuously is joy. Sometimes life sucks. I don't pretend that it doesn't. I cry, yell at God, and often beg him to change my circumstances. Okay, soooo I suppose that doesn't sound very joyful... Maybe by joy, I really mean to say peace. 

 I don't really know how to define peace. All I know, is that I didn't have it before Jesus, and I don't have it when I'm not following him.** To me, peace is an overwhelming comfort. Regardless of life's circumstances, at the end of the day if I'm doing what the Lord has called me to do, I am fully confident that things are going to be okay. Peace is the greatest feeling in the world. (:

 I would absolutely say that usually I have a peace about my life. I had a peace about turning down a full time social work job and I had a peace about deciding to not move to Central America. Grad school at UMHB seemed like the logical conclusion. I had a wonderful opportunity to work at the university and get half price tuition, and I would be able to keep my part time social work job. The signs all pointed to it being the perfect conclusion to my post grad life. 

 Except for one thing. I didn't have a peace about it. 

 The entire month of December I hardly slept. I am not exaggerating. Every night I would be up all night, or I would fall asleep at 4 in the morning. It was a miserable and I am surprised and thankful I still have friends. I tried blaming it on other things going on in my life, but my reasons didn't make sense. When I started toying with the idea that maybe grad school at UMHB wasn't the right thing for me, I started sleeping like a baby.

 Y'all sometimes the Lord takes away every logical conclusion and asks you to wait on him. Initially, it's a pretty scary place to be. However, the alternative is so much more terrifying. 

 & even though I have no idea what I'll be doing after my lease expires in May, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am LOVING having options again!


Cheers to graduating college and having two part-time jobs! I've really missed my hair smelling like coffee all the time... Mhmm. (:

 Time is not being lost if wisdom is being gained. 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrow like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

**From my experience, I've come to the conclusion that that the peace that comes from a relationship with Jesus is so much different than the peace that the world often talks about. (John 14:27 says, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.) 



Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 22, 2014 at 3:01 PM

    Stupid...no...not stupid but weird, yet for followers and believers in Jesus Christ weird is welcomed! What we believe in and act upon is always seen as weird to the world. We accept that with pride and continue to live for the one and only God. I applaud the words you have written and eager to read more of them. It's good to hear that you have found peace and working on joy. Joy is continuous peace and happiness found only in Jesus Christ. James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds". You have faced a trial, conquered it, and found joy through it. Thank you for these inspiring words and I love "It Is Well With My Soul". As long as you are doing God's will for you life, who cares how other people think of and see you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownJanuary 24, 2014 at 2:05 PM

      Hey I really appreciate the encouragement. Especially the reminder from James 1. I'm at such peace with my decision, and even though I don't really know what comes next, I know I am doing the right thing. Thank you again for your kind words. (:

      Delete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 21, 2014 at 11:30 PM

    You have to do right by yourself, and that doesn't always mean job security or following a path that was perhaps laid out by you by people who don't understand you. Best of luck, and remember that whenever you walk with Jesus he will occasionally ask you to smell his balls.

    ReplyDelete

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