I work at an emergency and homeless shelter for kids in foster care and for kids whose parents don't want them. These are some of my summer memories.
Sometimes I get off work and I scream and I cry and I yell at God. Sometimes I get off work and my heart is so full and happy that my 30 minute ride home is full of worship music and thankfulness. And sometimes--most of the time-I get off work and all I want to do is sit in my room and cry.
I'm shaking as I stand between a 15 and 17 year old cussing me out and screaming at each other and me as I try to keep them separated. They've been yelling at each other for the past 30 minutes and at this point I'm not sure anymore how to diffuse the situation. They are both at least 5 inches and 50 pounds heavier than me. I pretend to be the adult in the situation, but I am very aware that these two could easily knock me out...
I made it a personal goal to try and bridge the gap between my world and yours. I felt successful the day I told you that I don't iron my clothes and you replied, "yeah miss, cus yous ghetto white girl".
"Please please don't run away. I know it seems easier right now and that it's hard being here, but if you leave I'm scared something will happen to you. I'm scared you will be alone and you will get hurt. I know you feel unloved and uncared for, but I want you and I care about you and if you leave I won't be able to know you're safe." My heart breaks as you tell me that you've been alone for months and that nobody has ever cared about you. I force back the tears as I watch you run away knowing I can't run after you.
"Youth Services Option House this is Ashley how can I help you?" It's been a few days since I've been at the shelter and I haven't met the girl the person on the other end of the phone is asking for. I check to see if the name of the caller is on the child's approved call list and I hand the phone over to her. But as this young lady answers the phone, she quickly realizes that the caller is not her friend, but is instead her sister that is hunting her down to kill her... The moments that followed will never leave my memory.
I duck as the chair flies through the air and creates a hole in the wall by the kitchen. "You want to see dangerous?!? I can show you dangerous!!", she yells as I seemingly uselessly try and calm her down. I'm overwhelmed and frightened, but I know you, and I know that you act like this because someone treated you the same way.
My heart broke when the ambulance arrived and took you away to be put on suicidal watch. I hated that you had to ride in the ambulance alone. I wished with everything I had that I could go with you and show you how much I cared-how much I want you alive and how much Jesus loves you.
My heart was overwhelmed with happiness when you asked me for a Bible. I loved being able to buy you one and talk to you about how Jesus was with you even in the shelter. When you told me that your dad beat you and put a gun to your head, I realized that he was doing it "in the name of Jesus". I don't know if my heart has ever hurt so bad. Even though I know I will never see you again, I still pray that you will realize that humans suck at representing who God is. I'm so worried you'll turn your back on God because of what your father did to you.
This life is not your own. There are people here and now that need you to love them. If you aren't living out the gospel in your own town, don't bother going to do it in another country.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27
Sometimes I get off work and I scream and I cry and I yell at God. Sometimes I get off work and my heart is so full and happy that my 30 minute ride home is full of worship music and thankfulness. And sometimes--most of the time-I get off work and all I want to do is sit in my room and cry.
I'm shaking as I stand between a 15 and 17 year old cussing me out and screaming at each other and me as I try to keep them separated. They've been yelling at each other for the past 30 minutes and at this point I'm not sure anymore how to diffuse the situation. They are both at least 5 inches and 50 pounds heavier than me. I pretend to be the adult in the situation, but I am very aware that these two could easily knock me out...
I made it a personal goal to try and bridge the gap between my world and yours. I felt successful the day I told you that I don't iron my clothes and you replied, "yeah miss, cus yous ghetto white girl".
"Please please don't run away. I know it seems easier right now and that it's hard being here, but if you leave I'm scared something will happen to you. I'm scared you will be alone and you will get hurt. I know you feel unloved and uncared for, but I want you and I care about you and if you leave I won't be able to know you're safe." My heart breaks as you tell me that you've been alone for months and that nobody has ever cared about you. I force back the tears as I watch you run away knowing I can't run after you.
"Youth Services Option House this is Ashley how can I help you?" It's been a few days since I've been at the shelter and I haven't met the girl the person on the other end of the phone is asking for. I check to see if the name of the caller is on the child's approved call list and I hand the phone over to her. But as this young lady answers the phone, she quickly realizes that the caller is not her friend, but is instead her sister that is hunting her down to kill her... The moments that followed will never leave my memory.
I duck as the chair flies through the air and creates a hole in the wall by the kitchen. "You want to see dangerous?!? I can show you dangerous!!", she yells as I seemingly uselessly try and calm her down. I'm overwhelmed and frightened, but I know you, and I know that you act like this because someone treated you the same way.
My heart broke when the ambulance arrived and took you away to be put on suicidal watch. I hated that you had to ride in the ambulance alone. I wished with everything I had that I could go with you and show you how much I cared-how much I want you alive and how much Jesus loves you.
My heart was overwhelmed with happiness when you asked me for a Bible. I loved being able to buy you one and talk to you about how Jesus was with you even in the shelter. When you told me that your dad beat you and put a gun to your head, I realized that he was doing it "in the name of Jesus". I don't know if my heart has ever hurt so bad. Even though I know I will never see you again, I still pray that you will realize that humans suck at representing who God is. I'm so worried you'll turn your back on God because of what your father did to you.
This life is not your own. There are people here and now that need you to love them. If you aren't living out the gospel in your own town, don't bother going to do it in another country.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27
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